Sometimes there’s this yearning in my heart for that true intimacy that I used to have with my very close knit group of friends in high school. We are all still in contact, for the most part, but we’ve all grown up and life has happened… And after a while it becomes no longer appropriate for you to spill your whole life to people outside of your immediate family.
In order to understand the closeness of this group of people that my heart yearns for I feel like I need to give some back story. Imagine if you will a group of teenagers, let’s say 12 of them, who never want to go home. All for different reasons of course. Whether it be a mother who is dying, a father who is abusive, parents who are emotionally distant and could care less, or for the simple fact that they’re hungry and there is no food at their house so what’s the point any way? Those were my friends. We were not popular, we were strange, we wore weird thrift store clothes… not because it was cool, but because that’s the only thing our parents could afford. We drove hand me down cars and beaters (if we had a car at all), and we were with each other every single day from the time school let out until we could not possibly stay away from home any longer without getting into trouble. We spent our time in a garage of one of our friends… and maybe we stayed there because his parents didn’t care or maybe we stayed there because they constantly fed us frozen pizza. We would sit, listen to music, smoke, and talk for hours. We were there for each other when someone lost their mother, we were there for each other when another one of us lost a father, there when someone ended up pregnant, someone’s house burnt down, and when someone ended up in jail. Because we were a family then. Chosen, yes, but family. Any time serious shit went down we were all there. Someone did bad drugs, they were being watched as they vomited up their insides by us. Someone drank too much… It was us. And we were all we had.
Sometimes when I get down now I yearn for that closeness. That togetherness. That us against the world mentality. I yearn for pennies thrown at my window for me to let them in at midnight. I yearn for hours of talking. I yearn for the screaming and dancing and destroying. I yearn for Saturday night Punk Shows and sneaking out of sleepovers. I yearn for us to be young again…
Today, I miss my friends.