So… What’s your thing?

I had someone ask this question this morning. Not necessary to me, but to the gaggle of ladies on the forum I follow… And it got me thinking…

WHAT IS MY THING?

I feel like I’ve had many “things” in the past… but now? My things were writing (mostly during and after high school), scrapbooking (post high school, pre-Jack), teaching/ crafting/ Momming (the last 6 years).

But as far as passion goes I’m not passionate about a single one of those things anymore. Don’t get me wrong. I’ll never stop Momming, because I love my babies, but I really don’t care what others think of me as a Mom anymore because I know my kid is having an awesome life.

I feel like I’m at a transition period in my life. Leaving the anxiety of my late twenties behind and going toward my early thirties with grace and deliberation. That’s been laying heavy on my heart this last couple of weeks, during my quiet time, living deliberately. 

There’s this quote that I love by Henry David Thoreau:

“I went to the woods because I wished to lived deliberately to front only the essential facts of life and to see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I die, discover that I had not lived.”

I’m not moving to the woods.

But I so desperately want to start living deliberately. I think that I past three years, with the exception of Jack (Jack is always an exception), my life has been one big race toward the future. Toward what? No one knows.

I want to focus myself enough to maintain a garden this year. I want to bake bread, instead of buying it. I want to stop paying restaurants for frozen food and make my own. I want to really taste my food. I want to bake. I want to sew. I want to learn to use essential oils. I want to learn natural ways to heal. I want to get healthy again, mentally and physically. I want to gain my optimism back and start loving everyone again. I want to make my marriage a priority. I want to love my husband bigger than the world again. I want to listen to my baby. Instead of rushing him through the day.

At the beginning of this I was scared I didn’t have a “thing” anymore. But I guess I do. It’s many things… deliberately slowing down to enjoy the present. I’m just starting out though and that’s the frustrating thing. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Shut it down.

My heart is heavy. Has been for about a week now. No explanation for it, just got heavy.

Winter is coming to Ohio soon. Before we know it we’ll be dealing with that white stuff that I think is both beautiful and sickening.

I don’t know why i’m not sharing right now. Sometimes I get trapped inside myself and just need to stay quiet. People have been quite disappointing lately. Like why share when responses are either ridiculous or self centered…? So I don’t share.

I’m missing my mother today. It’s her birthday. Which I didn’t even realize until I just looked down on the date on my computer. Awesome. Happy Birthday Mom… from your daughter who can’t remember how old you’d be or even that you’re birthday is coming before it is here. Shit.

I should be writing some kind of fantastic Mom memory today… because there are plenty. But instead I’m pissed at myself that I forgot now. So there’s that. I’ll probably delete this post later. So there’s that.