Yesterday marked the eighth anniversary of my mother’s death. This year it was met with a school cancellation because of snow and because of this a less melancholy Momma. Spending the morning playing in the snow with Jack and was what my heart needed to feel full of love rather than longing. I thought about writing of the memory of her leaving us yesterday, but couldn’t bring myself to do that. So instead I’ve decided to make a list of all of the pieces of her I see in myself.
- My undying love for Van Morrison, Billy Joel, and Elton John.
- Dancing in my kitchen to music that’s way too loud; whether I am making dinner or doing the dishes.
- Cuddling my boy. I’m not the typically the parent who plays… But I will cuddle the crap out of you and watch as many shows as your little heart desires.
- Waking up= pulling those curtains open wide! Let that sunshine in!
- Slow wake ups. Yelling is not meant for the morning.
- Christmas insanity that normally starts before Thanksgiving.
- Unconditional love and support for my children.
- Hot headed anger and irritation that can happen in the split of a moment. “Now don’t make me cuss, damnit!”
- Not wanting to repeat myself. “What did I say? So… I what does that mean then?”
- Running away from my problems. (Literally the biggest, most disappointing quality to receive from her.)
- Getting way too excited and emotional about life.
I’m sure there are way more that I am not thinking of currently… But there’s my list. Sometimes I hope Jack remembers me in the crazy fantastic way that I remember her. Hopefully it’ll be a long time before I become a memory.