Memory

  
Yesterday marked the eighth  anniversary of my mother’s death. This year it was met with a school cancellation because of snow and because of this a less melancholy Momma. Spending the morning playing in the snow with Jack and was what my heart needed to feel full of love rather than longing. I thought about writing of the memory of her leaving us yesterday, but couldn’t bring myself to do that. So instead I’ve decided to make a list of all of the pieces of her I see in myself.

  • My undying love for Van Morrison, Billy Joel, and Elton John.
  • Dancing in my kitchen to music that’s way too loud; whether I am making dinner or doing the dishes.
  • Cuddling my boy. I’m not the typically the parent who plays… But I will cuddle the crap out of you and watch as many shows as your little heart desires.
  • Waking up= pulling those curtains open wide! Let that sunshine in! 
  • Slow wake ups. Yelling is not meant for the morning.
  • Christmas insanity that normally starts before Thanksgiving.
  • Unconditional love and support for my children.
  • Hot headed anger and irritation that can happen in the split of a moment. “Now don’t make me cuss, damnit!” 
  • Not wanting to repeat myself. “What did I say? So… I what does that mean then?”
  • Running away from my problems. (Literally the biggest, most disappointing quality to receive from her.) 
  • Getting way too excited and emotional about life. 

I’m sure there are way more that I am not thinking of currently… But there’s my list. Sometimes I hope Jack remembers me in the crazy fantastic way that I remember her. Hopefully it’ll be a long time before I become a memory.